I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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