that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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