a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
