did you get engaged???
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It's never too late to be topless.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
