You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
