Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
