i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
