he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
