So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
