Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
