a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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