if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
