All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
