Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
