Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
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