The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
