how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
