dude i'm inner monologue high
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
