Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
farters have to be the big spoon...
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
