chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
