glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
