Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
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