you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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