found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
