He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
