i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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