Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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