we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
