Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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