1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize