I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
