dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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