Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
