She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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