is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
