I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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