I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
My vagina just recognized that song.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
