I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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