my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Drake has all the answers
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
