Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
