now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
