hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
