i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
