So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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