the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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