yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
