You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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