During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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