Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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