his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize