I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
