If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
i think my cat just said my name.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
