So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
