I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
