You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
