I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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