so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
