I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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