I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
