I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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