Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
