OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Randomize
