The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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