omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
