Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
