dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
