Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Never joke about your clitoris.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
