Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I understand Curling. That high.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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