new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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