he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
