I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
