I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
My bed smells like the plague
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
