You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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