last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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