I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize