You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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