capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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