Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
