hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
