it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
