she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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