I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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