I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
