nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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