It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
