I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
