that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize