Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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