And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
