She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
