i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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