summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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