I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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