Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
