Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
