Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
