I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
