i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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