So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Randomize
