barbara walters just said penis...
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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