peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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