And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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