I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
