Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize