the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
