Where is the hickey?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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