He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
