Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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