I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize