Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
