I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
